Tasha Silver

Retorueafdjj

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 04:29:09 GMT

Since I left this account, a great many changes have happened, as can be expected. One of those changes is that this account is no longer a paid account, and most likely will never be again. So yeah, if you want to email me, the hotmail account is the way to go. Same username, different domain. Simple as that!

It's embarrassing reading entries from when I couldn't play on Standard. But that's all. Also, I have met someone. Also, it is daylight savings time. Lastly, the arcade is not the right place to pick up girls, so stop it now!

Le nouveau imprové LJ: vibrato

Shift

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 18:57:02 GMT

For now, I have decided to leave this account, although I may post occasionally about inane things, which is what I tend to do anyway. You can find me at vibrato, which I shall make my primary account for at least the time being. Feel free to add it to your friends list as you wish, and I will be sure to do the same.

Love,

Tasha

A crucible, and some liberals

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 01:20:15 GMT

Some people can be quite unintelligent. If intelligence is really arbitrary I'll be damned. Those who are the most unintelligent from my excessively subjective point of view also seem to be (from the same excessively subjective point of view) the most annoying. I wish that I could intimidate them but I am far too shy and passive. And now for an arbitrary yet necessary (paradox?!) change of subject.

I stood in the middle of the moderately crowded arcade, looking around at the whimsically intoxicated DDR players milling around as they waited for their turn on the machine, and vaguely considering becoming one of them if only for a while.

Suddenly, a man walked in the door. A strong surge of fear coursed through my body, my heart leaping two feet out of my chest with the horrifying thought, "It's him."

And then

I realised that it was not him. What a friggin' relief. However, why am I still afraid?

If that had been fiction, I might have died of poor writing skills. I'm sick of spiting corporate America, by the way, so I guess I'll never be punk rock. And Cris' away message reads "Hampshire!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and it kind of makes me want to stab him with all of those exclamation points. And some other things I might as well do.

molto allegro

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 02:25:32 GMT

Dumbing down is NOT a good idea.

I feel so inadequate. I can totally understand Tom now when he talks to me about women who are "out of his league". Damn those prodigal stunning intellectual Asian girls, damn them all!!! I want to keep them all in boxes on my bookshelf, but they're all too good for that.

Well, I found an interesting young female person to talk to on the internet who lives in my area, which is definitely a first. And she is out of my league. I feel afraid to IM her again, she has already gone off to work on a French paper and God knows how long that will take! Probably not long at all, due to her overbearing intelligence, but she probably has no interest in coming back online to speak with me.

Edit: I have realised that it is quite possible she is reading this right now. If she is, let it be known to her that my opinion on her is everything but objectifying. Remember when I said women were objects? Well, technically, they are.

some sort of song. Or a conspiracy

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 02:47:54 GMT

I just found a mysterious sheet of paper in my wallet that I supposedly wrote things on. It says:

Pole Star

Die Transzendental pragmatik

Inner Dynamic

A basic feature

total aggression

so reverse

|: E A E A E A E A :|

|: D A D A D A D A :|

Unfashionable

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 03:53:51 GMT

Once upon a time at the coffeehouse Leonore took a picture of me and Ellie playing our instruments in our geeky outfits. I wonder if that picture still exists... also the recent one she took of us playing DDR together. Hmm.

I like having a lot of high school and college textbooks that I don't use for school. Leonore gave me a Calculus one, which is awesome. I think I have one for every high school math except Algebra I, which I don't really care about, but if I did I could steal one from the middle school I go to for RIPYO. And that would be wrong. Should I even count Algebra I as a high school math? If I do, then Calculus would totally go into question. And does Statistics count? They have it at my school, and it's considered another direction to take in math if you don't like Calculus.

Once, I found and picked up two university-level Physiology books lying in someone's recycle bin, and in good condition too. All the others come from secondhand sales at Wheeler except the Geometry one that my parents bought me when I was being tutored at home. It was only for a month or so at the end of eighth grade. I'm saying too much.

What a triple quadruple coincidence that I have hinted at something that I am also hinting at in an IM conversation with someone who has the same name as someone and lives in the same state as someone else. Dude like whoa.

Joy of deciding my fate

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 16:40:42 GMT

If anyone wants to find me today (and how I sorely want someone to find me!), I'm going to be at the Providence Place Mall. With enough luck, I will be in the little arcade at Zoinks for the majority of the hours between 1:30 and 6-ish. Leonore and her friends will want to watch a movie, but I will resist with every fiber of my living soul. I hope we can get Chinese food.

Haydn Quartet does have a slow movement after all. Duh! The entire piece is wicked hard, and I'm just working on the Finale for now. Ach, pressure, I'm beginning to think we might not even get to pull it off. Oh, but if we do, it would be ever so beautiful. String Ensemble would be recognised for what it truly is, instead of a bunch of little children playing simplified versions of non-classical pieces.

Ah... somehow I feel something... move. Eeep

Excessively simple

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 23:54:03 GMT

:Menu ("So, are you [adverb] [gerund] [adjective] [preposition] your [noun] from a [noun] [adjective]?" "Yes",A,"No",B)
:Lbl A
:Disp "You lose!"
:Stop

In a few months perhaps I will run the program again, but for now, I am inside the illusion of eternal torment. I lose!

:Lbl B
:Menu ("Would you [verb] [adjective] [preposition] [pronoun], given the chance, maybe?" "I don't think it would work out!",C,"Yes, definitely",D,"Maybe",E, "It really depends",F,"I fucking hate you!!!",A)

If there is anything to be learned today, it is the wrong thing. My math homework requires a calculator and I wish it was dead or done or I had a slide rule to use instead.

The prospect of making a TI-83 program that will change my life forever

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 20:00:16 GMT

YAY yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyah.

My life will be either full of completeness or screwed in ten or fewer steps depending on the circumstances. Here to draw a flowchart!!! OMG! IDEA!!!! I WILL PROGRAM IT ON MY CALCULATOR! With menus! And labels! And output! Yay I am a genius. Yay.

So, uh, everyone let me know if you have a girlfriend or whatever and if you are giving her chocolate and flowers.

Fellows named Day who wear a belt

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 01:43:43 GMT

create your own visited states map

create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Today a La Salle Academy graduate named Michael Day came to visit during Spün. It was quite exciting. I wrote a short poem (he gave me back the paper but I can't find it. It had something to do with love) and he read it aloud with great passion and sorrow. I also recited for him the two-sevenths of a sonnet I wrote about him. People who always wear the same belt tend to inspire me to write poetry, and Michael Day is one of them. He's also important in some way to the poetry union, didn't he co-found it a couple of years ago or something? "Co-found" is funny because it looks like "confound". Har har har.

I would write a story about the events that followed, but it would empty my heart much too much, but I will tell you its moral: Poetry solves everything.

I own a great number of belts. That is the way I like it. Not that I have anything against people who only own and wear one belt, but I could never possibly love them. Here is a list that includes some of the belts that I own.

1. A relatively normal thin black belt with diamond-, circle- and petal-shaped holes.
2. An even more relatively normal brown belt that I never wear.
3. A silver-painted pleated/woven leather belt .
4. A several-shades-of-gold-painted pleated/woven leather belt.
5. A short white belt with multicolored grommets that Laura would have gotten if it was longer.
6. A thick black belt with red plastic rhinestones and a heart-shaped buckle.

I'm pretty sure all of them have some sentimental value to me. If I were to put them in order of descreasing sentimental value the list would be ordered like so: 1, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2.

Money is the source of green liquid

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 03:06:42 GMT

La Salle's tuition is going to be raised a thousand dollars or so for next year. Guess what? This doesn't affect me. Because I am on FULL TUITION SCHOLARSHIP. IN YER FACE OLOLOLOL.

Yay for new science buildings. Boo for those who won't be coming next year on account of the tuition increase. That makes me kind of sad, actually. I wonder if there will be many fewer students next year because of that. I wonder if someone will complain.

ARGH.

Phone Post: My third attempt at a post by phone

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 03:06:02 GMT

Haydn Quartet!

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 01:08:03 GMT

Our String Squad director is letting A.J., Rachel, Annie and me play Haydn's String Quartet No. 11. It's going to be really super great, as well as a challenge for all of us. I hope we can at least learn one movement well and get to play it at the next concert. All the movements are all relatively fast... well, there's no slow movement anyway. There's an Allegro, and Allegretto, and the Finale which is like... kind of fast. Allegro-ish I believe. I like the Finale because it stuck in my head and I played the beginning of it for my director when asking her if we could play it, as I'd completely forgotten what the piece was.

A.J. and I are the violins, Annie will play viola, and Rachel's the cellist, of course. (Yay for non-ugly cellist girls! Of which there are plenty, of course.) While we rehearse the quartet, the director will do a sectional with the remaining players. Bwahahahaha! We will possibly be the greatest String Ensemble ever in the universe. Bearable at least. I'm not missing the time when there used to only be five people, even though all five were competent. And... we need a bassist still. Blargh.

I've been practising. I have confidence in A.J. to practise as well, and Rachel I'm pretty sure can do it. Annie won't be able to take her part to her teacher, because her teacher won't let her play the viola because it will mess her up on the violin or something. I object to that; it's just as unreasonable as suspending students for making out after school but not as cruel as punishing one's wife by locking the wheels on her car.

Before I get off the subject, I think for now I shall agree with Armand's opinion that playing in a chamber group is more fun than playing in a friggin' youth orchestra. Especially with the state that OSYO and RIPYO are in right now, ugh!

And now to get off the subject, I have one thing to say, and it is that I am temporarily over the thing that made me sad. I am almost able to rationalise. By the way, math class is easy and everything we're doing is a repeat of the Algebra II/Trig class I took last year, which I really wish I could have skipped because I'm realising how pointless it was. It's my teacher's fault. Oh well, hopefully next year I won't have a lame Calculus teacher.

Never worth it, but if not for you I'd still be an introvert.

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 03:49:21 GMT

I really hate the idea of outgrowing friends. I actually dislike it moderately, and only really hate it when the friend outgrows you but you don't outgrow them, or if the friend really really matters and they have drifted away and nothing can be done to help it, or if they have been exceptionally close to you and suddenly all contact is broken off. It's also worse when they have been more than a friend, in the sense of our speaking.

I got my report card today and my grades seem pretty damn good. I also got an A on Speed Over Beethoven: Standard for the first time. Damn! I've been writing entering the date as June instead of February the past couple entries. Crazy.

all your interview are belong to us... what?

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 02:50:17 GMT

Umm... hmmm! I am generally blah with blah two people and one of them I am in love with and one of them is lame. People are saying my haircut is cute and I hate them. Here is a list of more things I hate:

1. Having my head touched in a patronising manner
2. Memegen
3. People who claim to have gone through torturous times in life and use it to be condescending
4. The almost absolute probability that what I hope for and think about all the time will never become real etc

Interview meme RETURNS! These four questions are from yaybritsakitty.

1. Have you ever tried to be emo?
Sometimes, when people die, I feel that I should be more emotional than I am. For the first few minutes I try, but now I don't think it worth it. Regarding the hip subculture, I heard I wasn't cool enough to try being one of them, and will hopefully never be.

2. Is that why you learned to play the violin?
Am I that bad that you think I've only been playing since being emo started to emerge in the world that I know of?

3. Do you still listen to math rock?
Yes, and sometimes I even enjoy it!

4. If things with you and Lenore and Armand and TJ don't work out, will you have a platonic marriage? (You should).
Very doubtful, dear. Marriages are expensive. Furthermore, Armand and TJ are destined to be together forever and I don't think Armand is really into marrying me.

Lalalalala, comment to be interviewed and I will interview you!

Lemon

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 20:36:12 GMT

I had a dream that mindme and Conservative Asian Girl From Liberal University (who has appeared in one of my dreams before and may represent an idealised version of someone's girlfriend or something whom I don't know) were demonstrating how to recover from a broken relationship for me, and I was like, "Why do I need this?" and they were like, "Duh!" All I can remember of their demonstration is that it involved a lemon.

I also cut my hair. In real life, I mean. It is short and stupid, but it'll get better.

Dans ap. J.-C. 2101, la guerre commençait.

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 20:09:47 GMT

Qu'arrive-t-il? Quelqu'un nous a établis la bombe!

Nous recevons signal. Que! L'écran principal allume.

Ce vous est!

Comment allez-vous les messieurs! Toute votre base est nous est à. Vous êtes sur le chemin à la destruction.

Que vous dites-il!

Vous n'a pas de chance pour survivre faisez votre temps.

The dance thing

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 17:38:20 GMT

So, I went to Winter Ball. I danced on a crowded dance floor. I danced "inappropriately" with several people. My dress kept getting undone. For some reason, I enjoyed it. Is this the right time for me to take my entire identity into question?

There was food and drinks and picture taking and Armand was a more than wonderful date, although we did get separated a couple of times. Also, Harry is a (perhaps surprisingly) good dancer.

They played the milkshake song and some other stuff.

Details? You can't handle details!

My button unpops when I reach above my head

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 22:12:37 GMT

Here I am, in my shiny dress that also happens to have been my mother's terribly unconventional Chinese wedding dress. It still looks newer than I am. It's a little uncomfortable around the neck and such, but it wouldn't bother me as much as a necklace would. Kind of minimalist for such a "special" occasion as Winter Ball. Oh yeah, but it's also my first school dance ever.

Within the next hour, my lovely date Armand will arrive to pick me up. Within the next hour, I will have to reapply my makeup, change my shoes, and look for earrings again. All of my earrings seem to have mysteriously vanished. Well, it's not like I have to wear any. The only piece of jewelry I have is a pretty ring, and it is pretty.

Okay, so maybe my shoes don't match my stockings don't match my dress and everyone is going to look better and more ornamented than I will, but I didn't want to go in the first place. I kind of feel bad that Armand is paying for my ticket and a whole package of photos to be split between us, but he's my date. He also gave me a mini-muffin earlier today because I am his date. He is going to bring me flowers. This will be so romantic I could cry!

Little Victories / Asian girls are MSG flavored

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 02:35:12 GMT

I'm going to take AP English next year, I found out today. That's nice, considering the fact that I'm not really that great in English class, but it was also based on my PSAT scores, which were as high as a kite on airskates.

There is a new boy at school named Eric. He went to Smithfield and Mansfield High, but didn't seem to know any of the people I questioned him about. He is very tall and nice and obsessed with fencing.

After school I did the Celtic fiddle thing and felt a little better about my musical skill, then after hanging around in the cafeteria for a while I took a bus to the mall and played about fifteen games (45 songs) of DDR. There was the tiny Asian girl I saw the day of the Rush Hour concert, as well as a pack of cute Asian girls. One of them was especially friendly and enthusiastic, and the first thing she said to me after we introduced ourselves was "So you're Asian too?" Another one thought I was eleven or twelve, which was kinda kinda creepy.

They were all really impressed with my playing because they were all newbies. Nothing that great, except I passed Speed Over Beethoven on Standard for the First Time Ever, and and and and and and and I got a B! I ended up playing that song five or six times at their fault. At one point there was a boy who attempted it, but then realised he couldn't do it and jumped off and let me finish. Sweet.

The tiny girl was better than I, but very very quiet when I tried to talk to her.

^_^ !!!!!!!!!

An open letter, although not to the boys in the back playing air guitar

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 01:54:47 GMT

Dearest Person, who art true and whole and better than me:

Some people, such as yourself, are very good at writing blog entries in third person and sounding poetic. Some people are very introverted. Apparently, I used to admire those people in a strange way. My, I have been quite pitiful. I will try to lessen that.

Well. Negativity pushed towards me induces love for anyone who happens to be around. I love you, world.

Hmm...

Actually, was that before the fact or slightly after? I have trouble confusing two dates, the thirteenth and the thirtieth. Why must the small soldier of time revolve around that one event? Perhaps it has, uhhh...... yeah. More third person? It would either make me seem more or less self-centered than I really am. It doesn't do that to you, does it?

You (He) today smiled at me while walking by, and I smiled at you (him) simultaneously. Friendliness (in the falsest sense there may be) reduces humanity. Huh? Not humanity, but the state of being human, or perhaps "person", despite my technical personhood. How fascinating. Mmmm... makes perfect sense, and I can somewhat sympathise. I am sure to have become the person I have always held in disdain, so perhaps it is the death of the fool who had longed for it as well.

However, opinions change. If you feel I have insulted you by this, discard it. When you have invented a time machine (figurative and poetic, of course), you may go back in time and inform twelve-year-old Tasha that the cuts must be made along the length of the arm, not across the wrist.

Sincerely,

A three-by-five inch piece of corrugated spite.

Too much to say about myself.

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:20:55 GMT

It was perhaps opportune or the exact opposite that my music teacher chose to give me a lecture on practising today. I have my excuses which are about two-thirds valid. Moreover, I've been hating classical violin a lot lately. The reasons for this are probably my lack of skill and discipline, and the limits that classical music tends to force me underneath. I also haven't taken lessons as frequently as I used to before, with a long period of time in which I had nothing to do with playing classical pieces (save String Ensemble, which didn't count, because if ever we did play classical music it was fairly simple and I never practised it). Obviously, that caused my skill to deteriorate - in the weeks before I stopped taking lessons, I'd been working on very complicated classical pieces which seem nearly impossible for me to play now. In my several most recent performances (basically the coffeehouse, RIPYO, & violin recital) I haven't been playing up to par, and compounded they have been quite a blow to my ego as a musician. It's very embarrassing because I'm "supposed" to be good at it as well.

The main thing that's caused me to be so confident about playing is my "talent". Somehow I am able to play instruments, and since I never really work at it an inborn ability must be to blame. I don't admire talent as much as I admire skill and enthusiasm, which in practice I really don't have much of. Anyway, I wonder if I'm trying to do more than I am capable of... I really want to work on my creativity as well as classical playing techniques, but perhaps working on the latter will help me with the former, along with everything else I have trouble with. That's a very hateable idea. Also, Lois wants me to practise the pieces she assigns me for one hour a day. It's not as bad as it seems now, I suppose, and it's nothing considering the amount of time most orchestra geeks I know practise. But they are orchestra geeks, after all.

If you wear glasses, how often do you clean them and how annoying is it when they get dirty and obscure your vision? I'd like to consider it a spiritually enriching experience to limit my vision in this way, a bit like fasting, and a bit how blind people are gifted because they tend to be stronger in some way that people who can see aren't strong in. If I want to do this I'll have to not make a habit of taking my glasses off every time I want to see clearly. Some people who need glasses to see feel really insulted by people who wear fashionable fake glasses, I'm sure. They have my heartfelt permission to glare spitefully in my direction and insult me under their breaths every time my back is turned.

Fencing... I do not like. I like several people who enjoy fencing. This is no reason for me to enjoy it, but I may as well indirectly because it will grant me their affection. By the way, someone was talking about differentiating and my first thought was the mathy kind. However, they were talking about the kind of differentiation where you tell the difference between different things.

The prospect of the Winter Ball THIS FRIDAY really makes me uneasy.

Bonk

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 12:46:12 GMT

http://www.blunttruthgame.com/takesurvey.cfm?uid=036029

I'm uh feeling like a bad musician, if I can call myself a musician in the first place. Okay. *drinks potion of mana increase*

Liquid talent!

All your bass are belong to us :P

Life is

Sun, 01 Feb 2004 05:45:36 GMT

Gah. Gahgahgah.

Things I did today (and technically I mean yesterday):

1. Slept from 3 to 8 pm.

2. Thought about getting Leonore's birthday/Valentine's Day (yick) presents.

3. Thought about the Winter Ball this Friday. (My mom bought me two new dresses. Now I have to decide which one to wear like a real girl does. Oh no, I have to get my hair did and my makeup. And I am NOT carrying a purse.)

4. Arranged the music to a song I wrote in collaboration with Ben the Schwartzic Piano Maniac for my Music exam last year and gave it a name that just means "E minor" in Japanese.

5. Continued to be annoyed at people who do things like stand me up, insult my bandmates, delete programs from my calculator, and think they can just pick up my instruments and play around with them anytime they like.

6. Skipped my violin lesson.

7. Wished that singing didn't exist and all music had to be completely instrumental.

In bed

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 05:22:23 GMT

Inside a fortune cookie I opened at one point today was the following: